Recent disaster has struck havoc in Americans across the country, due to the loud decibel of chip crunching. TV users have felt restrained for years, however this issue has finally erupted at the surface. After a long day Bob Smith comes home to his TV, and is ready to watch the latest episode of The Bachelor. He begins to munch on his chips, when he is suddenly disturbed. The crunch of his chew is so loud that he cannot hear the TV. Mr. Smith must decide if he should travel to the volume button or sit in agony, wondering what the characters are saying. Mr. Smith shares his riveting experience and says, “My wife likes to complain that I am lazy, but I believe I have a bad case of misophonia, and my doctor agrees.” Misophonia is when people are driven to panic by small noises such as chewing, slurping, and gulping. We encourage you to discuss misophonia with your doctor. Meanwhile, The Onion has decided to meet with Lay’s Chip Company to discuss the possibility of a softer chip that doesn’t generate so much noise. We care about not only the well-being of our subscribers but we strive to make the lives of all Americans a little more chipper.