Donald Trump, the gem that comes only once every 10,000 years has blessed us with his presence. He is the pinnacle of justice and equally towards all people, except the Muslims, Mexicans, Chinese, Russians, etc. First off, Muslims are the worst, they’re dangerous, since they are all terrorists and will bomb us at any given time. Secondly Mexicans are the worst, they’re taking all our jobs and are raping our women while killing our children. Trump plans to spend billions of our hard earned money to deport these terrible people back to their country and build a huge wall over it, it will be taller than the wall of China and we will one day worship these walls and call it the Trump Wall. Guess what – it’s going to be free! It won’t cost us a single cent because we will make Mexico, a poor country, pay for it all!
So here is the real question; how is our economy going to improve? Well Trump got that covered. He is going to run America like his company, because these two are EXACTLY alike. Trump will get rid of planned parenting, because responsible parenting is the last thing we want, right? He also has plans to keep our soldiers oversea, because, well, we don’t really need homeless veterans in our country. Speaking of soldiers, Trump will singlehandedly rip the heads off of ISIS and take all of their oil. You see Trump is a phenomenal soldier, he once fought off fifteen politicians while exposing himself… to poisonous lies, while on a disgusting stage, making his point and also defending the size of his hands. Sounds crazy, but I assure you, I saw it with my own two eyes.
A great warrior needs a good hairdo and Trump has all that and more. His hair heals souls that came from the deep depths of sadness. It is treated with extreme care and dedication. It is said that if the wrong conditioner is used to treat his hair, it will lose its effect. The hair is extremely majestic, especially in the wind when it is lifted up like an angel without the slightest care in the world. Some haters say that Trump is ‘unfit for presidency’; others say that he is ‘unfit to stand on the very stage with his Republican opponents’; however, I will tell you this, the stage is unfit for Trump. I mean, it’s not even made out of gold, and where are the girls in the bikinis? How can he even get on the stage when there isn’t an escalator? There was one instance where Trump bailed out on a Republican Debate when the news anchor scared him. Well to be fair it was a woman, and she was scary. It’s not everyday that Trump doesn’t feel like he is in control of everything, however when that day comes, Trump will gladly, and bravely…skip out on his priorities.
Trump is also a medical expert. He plans on eradicating autism by banning vaccines because he really cares about the facts. It’s really not about being presidential, but rather it’s really about sticking to the facts. Trump also plans to, and I quote, “Bomb the shit out of them (ISIS)!”1 I mean listen to him, he’s so passionate about it. He says if he doesn’t bomb ISIS himself, he will find a general to do it. His generals aren’t going to be on television and discuss war tactics but instead they will be ‘badass’. He plans to drop that “dirty, rotten traitor”2 out of a plane and down in Afghanistan so, we can all watch, just like the Hunger Games. Lastly, Donald Trump plans to say things that are politically incorrect because we have no time for political correctness; look at this guy, not only does he feel motivated and passionate towards making America great again, and not one second can be waste while doing it.