A Modest Solution To Plastic Pollution

One of the biggest problems our world faces today is the excess of plastic pollution, especially in the oceans. This buildup causes extreme deterioration of undersea reef habitat and mass death among sea creatures who eat the plastic because of the fact that it appears similar to their primary food sources. However in our world today we also face the issue of world hunger amongst the poor in underdeveloped countries. It seems that both problems could be solved if we could just  kill two birds with one stone. But how could such an enormous task be accomplished or even undertaken? Well if people started eating more fish on a more regular basis, then they would be less hungry. Not to mention that if people ate more fish there would be less fish in the ocean to eat all the plastic which means that our seemingly endless dumping ground of waste and garbage would be left how it is and we could continue to use all the chemical rich, extra BPA single use plastics we all love so much. Not to mention this idea would give big oil companies more power, and more money than they already have because of the increased demand for plastic goods that are made from all of their extra chemicals and excess crude oil. And what could go wrong with giving five or six companies more power than the federal government? With all of these new microplastics in our water supply our stomach linings will be exfoliated like never before, this will help with digestion and even keep our stomachs looking young and wrinkle free.

Not to mention the positive effects of the production of this plastic on the air quality. The particulate plastic will do more for our lungs than oxygen ever could. The plastic will not only exfoliate the inner lungs of adults making them breathe easier but it will also help solve the population crisis because it will kill babies before the little jerks have the chance the breed. This will refine people into the perfect human because only those with the strongest lungs will survive to adulthood. The Plastic apocalypse is exactly the type of new plague the world needs to fix itself. As the weak and environmentally friendly die off only the strong and steady minded will survive. Not to mention that the smog and carbon dioxide produced would help to acidify the ocean and give us a cheap and easy substitute for vinegar, lemon juice, and pretty much any other acidic thing that we enjoy eating. This would turn the ocean into the world’s biggest ceviche and all we would have to do is swoop in and reap the rewards. And it’s all because of this new single use plastic utopia we would have a massive waste buildup.

After we have filled the ocean, plastic will begin to pile up on land and that will be the best thing to happen since the plastic bag around sliced bread, because the plastic build up on land would provide new habitats for woodland creatures like squirrels, and deers. Beavers could even use the plastic to build stronger dams and people could use the plastic as a cheap building material that is more flexible than bricks and wood. So really our buildings would be a lot more structurally sound because they would flex with earthquakes and if they did fall apart we could just put them back together with a lot of glue and tape. We could line our streets with plastic and everything would be waterproof. Littering wouldn’t be problematic issue anymore either because when people litter the plastic would simply become part of the new foundation for the perfect society. Today in 2016 the entire world is on track for such a single use society but whether or not that is our fate remains to be seen.

A Modest Solution To Plastic Pollution

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