Attention! Attention! People of California, we are in a drought as you all know. Therefore those who are conserving water will be publicly executed in our state capital, Sacramento. There is no hope that California will get out of this drought so please give up all hope of any type of water. For everyone conserving water, just stop, there is no point, you are wasting your time. On the behalf of King California, anyone who tries to conserve water will be treated with treason, on this day forward it is illegal to conserve water, it is illegal to hope for rain, and it is illegal to think about rain. Those who choose to disobey you will be publicly humiliated, as I have said before. The following punishments depend on the type of crime you have committed. Those who think about rain, will be sent to will be sent to once the beautiful Yosemite Park which is now Yosemite Internment Camp. The camp specializes in brainwashing people who think about rain. They will become new and improved citizens of California who do not care for water and love being a desert. Those who love to surf will definitely benefit from this camp because they will realize using ATV’s are much more fun than surfing on nice cool ocean. Also for those garden isn’t nice to see brown rather than green? Poo brown dirt is beautiful to look at rather than looking at colorful green grass. King California sure thinks so! There is no limit on water now! It is now unlimited because we can always rely on other states to provide for us! Anyway punishment is the big issue here… King California loves to punish those who disobey the law. But he loves publicly punishing as a form of entertainment! So the following the punishments are waterboarding, guillotine, lethal injection, starvation (dehydration), whipping, being lectured about deserts, no internet, no electronics, no Netflix, and no water. For those who disobey this new law that is in effect today will be punished. The punishment will be decided by King California and will also be taped in Sacramento and shown on T.V. Here are some ways to stop conserving water, start now to stop. See a leak in your sink? Yes, good, do not get it fixed! Are you showering for 10 minutes and feel rushed? Yes, take 10 more minutes and take your time feeling the hot water. If you need to wash clothes but only have a few that are dirty, go ahead and fill the washer with a quarter of clothes, and hit start. Same with the dishwasher, only have a few dishes dirty and you want to wash them in the washer, start it anyway! While brushing your teeth, or shaving, leave the water running instead of plugging the drain. When your car is dirty, go ahead and wash it! And if it gets dirty the day after wash it again, we are not saving water anymore so keep using what we have saved! You may ask why King California is banning conserving water, well I will answer that question right now! 2012-2015 were the driest years ever recorded by California. January was one of the driest months to be recorded by California. After many hours of discussing to ban or not ban conservation of water, King California came to the decision to ban it because it hates water and wants his land become hot, dry, land! Articles say several winter storms or powerful storms will not be enough to get California out of this deep deep dry hole. So remember don’t conserve, unless you want to die!
Love, King California