ANNOUNCER: Welcome everyone! To this year’s Rapist Awards! Coming at you live from gorgeous California, we’d like to thank all of you for tuning in to this year’s ceremony! Founded by our very best, Jeffrey Dahmer in 1978, the Rapist Awards are a chance for us to recognize the wonderful work so many people do to make young boys and girls smile! Tonight we will be awarding one of you with this year’s Rapey, the winner being chosen for his/her work in the abusive fields. This year our theme is Boy Toy! So whoever has made the biggest contribution to young boys and their sexual lives will receive this prestigious award! So, without further ado, let the awards begin!
*two hours later*
ANNOUNCER: And the winner is…. John Marcus Gacy III! Come on up, John! A natural, John has followed up on the legacy of his father, John Wayne Gacy II, or as we should respectful address him, the Killer Clown! Congratulations John! You were chosen for your amazing work in the field of abuse! Thanks to you, we’ve risen the number of boys being sexually abused from 1 in 8 to 1 in 6! You are truly an inspiration to us all John, anything you’d like to say?
GACY: Thank you all so much! It truly is an honor to be receiving this award! All my life I’ve worked up to this moment. To live up to my father’ legacy was always my greatest fear.. But, Dad, this award is for you! I’d like to thank him for being my inspiration and teaching me about this lifestyle. And thank you to all of you lovely people! I know in this society we aren’t given enough credit. But, we all know how much effort and good we do for the kids of the world. If not us, then who? Who would teach them how to please their future partners? Who could ever show more love and care than us? No one. And in accordance with this year’s theme, I’d like to say a bit about what we should be doing with our lovely little boy toys.
We need to be taking them when they least expect it. If you take those beautiful boys while they are walking home, then they won’t even know what’s happening. It just adds to the excitement and they secretly enjoy. Also, let’s be honest, that fear in their eyes, nothing feels better than knowing that you’re doing that. Making them weak and helpless is good for young boys! Then they grow up and aren’t weak. Boys who are treated like wusses don’t get anywhere in life. If we go and take away that innocence, then we’ll have a stronger race of humans. Our boys will grow up and become dominant. They’ll grow up and if we’re lucky, be like us! Rape is going to bring back the order of things, the order of men in society that is. Oh, and another thing, we need to make sure these pretty little boys are enjoying themselves! Like, we aren’t murderers people, we’re pleasure givers! Keeping our boys happy and feeling good at this age shows them how to reciprocate it later in life.
I am so proud of each and every one of you for the work you do. This award doesn’t go to me, but to all of us! To all of us rapists who work so hard to bring back the natural order of men and women. And especially to those of us who work together and support each other. This is not a competition, we are all in this together. It is our job to keep our boys down now. Doing this, they’ll lose all their pettiness and grow up to be real men. Real men, like us. Nobody could ever teach them the way we do. We are god’s gift to these young boys. And just you wait, I promise they’ll thank us in a couple years.