Chicken Rights? Chicken WRONG

Protests have emerged throughout the country over the striking issue of the treatment of chicken. Broiler Rights Activists have spread their message near and far, criticizing the selfish call for the rights of chicken by groups such as PETA. The BRA emphasizes the need for traditional treatment of chicken, and without it, America would consist of a bunch of vegan, animal-loving wimps, or chickens. This country has been founded on the success of food industries, no matter the cost. Almost everyone is a chicken consumer, so why break away from this way of life for the “fair” treatment of some minescule creatures, when you could have delicious fried chicken? Treating chicken like dirt works, and there are facts to prove it.

This traditional treatment, or mistreatment as the weak would call it, start at our friendly neighborhood farmers. Not only do they raise chicken traditionally for profit, but take extreme pleasure in their pain. In some circles, they call this sadism. During a recent interview, Farmer D. Beaker claimed, “ Not only is preparing a broiler chicken a means of making food, but it is an art. Your big daddies arrive at the slaughterhouse, plump and unwary of their demise. Once you approach with that knife, oh ho ho, it is one of the most exciting feelings in the world. Besides, who doesn’t like choking their chicken in public, am I right?” Obviously, no one would carry out such arduous tasks day and night without motivation. Broiler farmers raise and slaughter for our own satiation, their profit, and above all, their pleasure. It is a win-win situation, so why stop them?

Some believe the root of this controversy stems from the corporations. However, many throw harsh allegations at these companies without knowing any background information at all regarding their cause. Corporations, such as McDongos, only look for the best of the best broiler farmers. The McDongos rep, Roland, stated, “Only those who use top tier genetic modifications, and compact the most chicken in their growing houses, giving less than or equal to half a square foot of space, are even considered to be used for McDongos Chicken Nugs.” High standards show dedication to craft, and consideration of their product and its quality. Having these chicken go from broiler to food can even be compared to the Bushido code of Samurai. Living with these “necessary” rights is similar to the cowardice of retreating from war. However, sacrifice, and dying to become a top notch Chicken Nug brings honor.

Along with consideration of health, others look towards the statistics, and mass spending put in place for this industry. In 2015, 9 billion broilers were put into the market, 1.2 billion bushels of corn were used for feed, and $90 million dollars were used in consumer expenditure. An array of perspectives can view these numbers as an extreme waste of resources. However, these numbers mark milestones. We have come so far as a society, and there were times when 9 billion chicken did not exist, and corn had yet to be discovered. I bet there was even a time when $90 million dollars was not even in circulation. Bringing about these numbers demonstrate success within an industry.

To conclude, the push for a higher standard of living for chicken is unnecessary, and almost degrading. We should save ourselves from this embarrassing call to action. There is still a chance to redeem ourselves, and accept this productive reality. Aren’t there bigger problems in the world? Those who are agriculturally inclined should join the broiler farmer ranks, and help slaughter more chicken. This solves the issue of world hunger! Those of you who understand any bit of math could join the financial focused corporations. Taking advantage of the ever-flourishing chicken industry makes big bucks, and any bit of generosity can go to charities! Bam, that solves poverty. Oh the possibilities!

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Chicken Rights? Chicken WRONG

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