I am not fit to be a president, let alone fit to be the president of America, and I know that. However, people are supporting me and trusting me, so I guess I’ll stay running for president. And if I do end up becoming president, no worries. I know that I will make America a mess, but I cannot make it worse than how China once was so Americans have nothing to complain about. Again, I know that I am not fit to be the president of America, but I will do it for the title. My name is already known around places and I plan to continue spreading my name. If I am elected as president my name will soar and I will be even more famous than I am.
Now that my name is out in the world even more, I am going to gain even more haters. I am going to spend the tax money American citizens work hard to make on me because I am going to need a very large security network to protect me. If I become president there are going to be so many people who want me dead, but that is not a bad thing because it will end every war possibly going on. And it is not because I am problem solver. It is more because I am going to be so strongly hated that the wars going on are not going to be important anymore. ISIS is not going to focus on getting rid of Christians, but rather focus on killing me. There are going to be no more terrorist attacks on countries because all the bombing will be focused towards me. So in order to keep America safe, vote for me because all the treats will be towards me, not my people. And there will be other countries trying to terrorize America and so I will try my hardest to make countries mad at me and not American civilians. The beginning of my plan is to make Mexico mad at America by forcing Mexico to build a wall which will separate us. I am making Mexico pay because, again, the tax money needed to build the Mexican Wall would be the tax money I need to protect me. Then I will abolish, by force, all the muslims. To summarize, my plan as being the president of America is to piss everybody off so the entire world is mad at me and all the countries can bond over how much they hate me. Then all the countries will become unified. Essentially, I am fixing the problem of terrorism and building bridges for all countries to become unified.
Moving on to how I am going to run the country, that is terribly simple. I am going to run the country as if America was a business. As you all know, before running for president, I was a Real Estate Developer where I found myself in a lot of trouble and lost a lot of money. But you know what they say, practice makes perfect and therefore, I am going to challenge myself to be the best I can be by practicing my business skills on America. I am going to fail more than a billion times, but, please, bear with me.
I ran for president as a joke, and now this joke is being supported and I am willing to ruin and demolish America just to see how far I can take this joke. And you know what the funniest thing about all this is? America was once stressing about Mitt Romney being president, but trust me, those were the simpler days. Vote for Donald Trump!