I Want You to Make War, Not Love

     For centuries, the United States and Mexico have had a contentious relationship. The Mexican-U.S. War (Mexico’s fault) demonstrated that Mexico has a serious problem with respecting the sovereignty of the U.S. Mexico has become a tumor that we must remove.  The country has developed such a problem with exporting drugs, crime, and people, you wonder why their population hasn’t died already. In order to end the abuse that we receive as Americans from these southern drug imperialists, it is of the utmost importance that we conquer Mexico and then supplant the Mexican population with Americans. This won’t be a long, slow operation like the campaign against ISIS. This will be an overwhelming attack that puts the Iraq War to shame. The invasion will benefit the U.S. through the elimination of Mexicans and the seizure of their country.  

     The immigrants’ construction skills will be put to use as they ready our country for the attack. They will construct military bases and trenches along the border. Once they have fulfilled their purpose on Earth, they can literally dig their own graves along with the graves of the Mexicans that follow them. On Cinco de Mayo, Mexican Independence Day for all you ignorant people, a massive bombing campaign will commence. Bombs will fall, along with the bodies of every immigrant who has dared to cross the Rio Grande illegally. No town, municipality, or village will be spared the storm. A stealthy land invasion, a favored tactic of the illegals, will ensure that the country falls unequivocally under the control of the United States. The divisions of armored vehicles and infantry will be supported by militias of Texans who are through with sheltering immigrants.

        The militant drug cartels will offer the only major resistance to the gringos. In this instance, supply will meet demand, literally. In a grand tribute to the heroics of the first war, the U.S. Marine Corps will seize Chapultepec Castle. As with the historic battle at Chapultepec, Mexican soldiers will jump to their deaths, except this time it won’t be heroic nor voluntary. The invasion will finally conclude with the capture of Mexico City as the President of the United States of America and Mexico is carried on his litter by the remaining Mexican residents. As the “Star-Spangled Banner” plays over the quiet city, Americans everywhere will be able to rest knowing that they can pick their strawberries without the fear of an illegal taking their job.  

        As the weeks go by, no time will be lost on cleansing Mexico of its former history and culture. The Mexican population, deprived of their sustenance of corn and beans, will be rounded up and used as the government sees fit. I expect that a small amount, maybe about half, will be outright executed. I’m sure the other half will be imprisoned in the special death camps that will be made of Guadalajara and Monterrey. Special administrative divisions will replace the old Mexican states and each will contain a department for rooting out Mexican culture. Mexico City, will become host to the National Museum of the War for America. The new American government should promote legislation that ensures that Mexicans are treated harshly and that only English may be spoken. The economy will boom as drug consumption will be legalized, and the hidden caches of substances that the drug lords hid will be released to the mass market. Hotels and resorts that once had travel warnings will now be open to white males from all corners of the United States. And of course, the Ku Klux Klan will ensure that no American
feels insecure walking around town at night. Of course, the passports will be changed. Now, it will make sense to have a white person say they are Mexican. It is reported that another, similar campaign into Africa is planned. But who knows what ethnic group we could be upset with this time?


I Want You to Make War, Not Love

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