One must acknowledge a great hero of the past century who ended racism, an individual who saw that things were not the way they should be, who fought to preserve the true ideals of the United States of America. The true heroes, the ones who noticed that the order was imbalanced and saw the way our society had strayed away from the very constitution that was meant to unite the rightful citizens of America.
That’s right folks, we’re talking about Lieutenant Nathan Bedford Forrest, the man who founded the Ku Klux Klan. He fought to preserve this nation the way it was intended: a white Protestant male empire without all the corruption of the Jews and the Indians and the blacks in power. By the people, for the people, with the people.
Despite the way we were persecuted, we persevered. We persevered, in honor of Thomas Jefferson’s dream of a white Protestant nation. After all, all white Protestant men are created equal. After all, everyone knows that Jefferson owned slaves, so how could he possibly mean them to be equal to us? We acted to preserve our rights, and now it is safe to say that white protestant men in society have found their place. It was naturally a difficult road. Many times we felt our security threatened…when the Japs bombed Pearl Harbor, we got in there, we defended ourselves, we made a better bomb then theirs and we showed them that we will fight to have our role in society. When Black Panther rose up, we beat down their terrorism, let them know that we could not be intimidated. How dare they act like they’re better than us. If they want our white Protestant rights, they can have our white Protestant piss.
We, the Ku Klux Klan did our part to end racism, and now I feel as though people will never take us, the straight white Protestant men, out of power. Think of the societal progress in the last 150 years about race. This is exactly when the Ku Klux Klan also came into power. We saw the plot of the Catholics in the 20s to put the pope before the president. Then, after the Jews caused the Great Depression, we fought against Hitler, proving that we as Americans were the better straight white Protestant males. When the communists tried to take over our country with lies about peace and love and happiness, trying to take away our status, we were ready. We were the ones behind the police pouring tear gas on them hippies. We were the ones in Vietnam, enforcing the law of the jungle. We sent them gooks on the run, and kicked the commies on with them. We were the ones that fought the women’s liberation movement, ensuring nobody challenges our status in society. The same goes for Martin Luther King. We were the ones who threatened him, and yes, we were the ones who killed him.
And obviously, there are still threats to our well-being. After all, here we are, militantly establishing a unified nation ruled by the one, true, God, and suddenly the Muslims come out of nowhere, preaching whatever it is they believe. However, our unified nation has backup. For example, who would have ever predicted that we know have both major political parties on our side. We have the Democrats who founded us, as well as the Republicans who agree with us. Just look at all the straight white male Protestants in positions of power today! If he could see this, Jefferson would have wept tears of joy at what our nation has evolved to.
All of this, we achieved, simply because, our status cannot be challenged. So yes, bow to us, salute us, for the Ku Klux Klan ended racism. You’re welcome. We will win, because, this is America. And, of course, we must thank you. Thanks to your ignorance, your apathy, and your myopia, we will make America great again.