WASHINGTON D.C. “I was very insulted by little Rubio saying that I have little hands and I had to go to counseling for three days. It has had a YUUUGE impact on my life and I want him to publically ap-logize”, said The Donald in a recent interview done by CNN. Trump has been nothing but tears in the last few days, claiming that this public apology will make the healing process for him go much faster so that he can get back to defeating ISIS. Senator Marco Rubio on the issue recently said in an interview with Fox News that “Trump was being a meanie to [him] by calling him little”, so Rubio felt the comment was rather justified and that Trump was “acting like a little girl”. As a result of this conflict, Rubio’s poll numbers among the southern rednecks has tanked completely due to his commentary on Trump’s hands. As one southern redneck commented, “Yeesh, I jus’ don’t lak a bully who makes fun of people’s hands. I ‘member people used to call me ‘lil hands Billy’ err time I went to the city; and us southern folks don’t lak dese comments ‘cus we all got dem lil’ hands down ‘ere in de south!” Well, there you have it from Lil Hands Billy in the south, who claims that the hands controversy has been a bigger issue than global warming and world hunger combined! In the end, Trumps poll numbers have raised by a mere 4%. More to come as FBI investigation of Rubio’s hand comments continue.