Dear Professional Men’s Soccer,

On behalf of women’s soccer players, I would like to thank you. Thank you for showing the world what soccer is about, that it’s about flopping, entertainment, manhood, and sportsmanship. Thank you for your over exaggerated falls making this beautiful sport so theatrical. Thank you for making it so entertaining to see you roll of the ground crying, really emphasizing on your manhood. Thank you coaches for teaching your player to play dirty showing the true beautiful form of entertainment that is involved with the sport of soccer. Thank you for showing your range of absurd fouls on live TV from tripping to bitting each others ears. Thank you for showing your amazing sportsmanship by yelling at the officials because we know that you are always right. Thank you for showing FIFA that men are extremely more deserving of the 5 times more pay that men earn over women. Thank you for influencing young soccer players to looking forward to be watched on national TV, that one day rolling around on the field, just like you. Thank you for representing all of professional soccer because everyone knows that men and women play the same. Thank you for all that you do, you truly are making a difference, by using a good portion of your money for plastic surgery, keep doing what you’re doing. Finally thank you for outshining women’s soccer because we know that only men play real soccer. Thank you.

Women Soccer Players




One thought on “wo-MEN’S SOCCER

  1. BIGBOIDAVID says:

    I really like the allusion in this piece. You allude to a lot of problems that are prevailing in our country today. Unequal pay seems to be a big point in your satire and it is a problem that occurs in America. Another one that I saw that you alluded to was the fact that women’s soccer is not made as big of a deal as men’s soccer by FIFA. I really like your passion and humor about this topic. Especially when you talk about the Manhood with flopping.


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