Man on a Mission

IMG_1684I am a man on a mission.  What I am going to do will benefit all men and women and will help bring more peace to this messed up world.  In other words,  I am going to be a fucking savior.  Right now, I am waiting patiently on the side, getting ready to ambush my very first target today.   My hands are trembling with excitement as I think about what I am about to do….you know, excitement for the benefit of world peace and whatnot.  Oh and there’s a perfect target coming close to my range right now.  Young, innocent, and clueless, these are the kind of people I tend to gravitate towards.  Lucky for me, this person seems to not only to have these traits, but she also has a thin build which means it would be unlikely for her to overpower me in case there’s any misunderstanding.  

Anyway, now that my target is set, I make my move.  The crowded environment in the train car during morning rush hours provide a nice distraction for me to slip through easily without my target noticing.  Now, a couple of inches away from the target I get my hands ready.  I look around for my partner, Richard, to check if he’s in position in case anything goes wrong. Good, he’s sitting just a few rows away from the young girl.  This is my chance!  My hands slowly reach out towards my target and graze her behind.  She flinches but quickly composes herself and continues acting as if nothing had happened.  I took this as an OK sign for me open my palm out and grab her round butt.  She flinches again and even glances at me this time, but once again she composes herself.  She even looks away from my direction, I guess she is trying to hide her blushing face.  How cute!  

Hmmm… no violent reaction, no glare, and she’s blushing….she totally likes my touch right now.  If she enjoys this, then she will probably be more than happy to be touched by countless other men…oh yes! Well, looks like she will be suitable to work for my company… my company of prostitution that is.  My boss is going to be so proud of me! I let go of the girl’s firm ass and walk away to signal Richard to get the girl.  No, no, no we are not kidnapping.  My partner is just going to have a chat with this young girl…well… after she gets tied down.  NO, this is not kidnapping!  We don’t plan on doing anything to the girl other than convincing her to join our business. Oh, and there’s my partner getting the girl I had just groped right now.

Now, just remember that this girl did not show sign of  opposition to my touch.  She was practically asking for this offer!  We are not forcing her into this.   I mean I guess some people would mistaken this task as kidnapping since it does involve illegally abducting people, BUT our hostages usually become a part of our company after this grope test.  So, technically it is not kidnapping, Richard and I are just scouting for girls and providing them the golden opportunity of getting a well-paying job.  Sure, becoming  prostitutes could cause the girls to lose their dignity, pride, and sense of self-worth but who would care about these things when you get hella money from being one!   Plus, these women would not have to suffer the pain of ever being alone since they are always requested for multiple times a night by numerous men of various ages.  With this line of business, more girls will get the money they want and more guys will get the endless sex they want.  It’s a win-win situation.  There will be less conflict over gender-inequality since everyone gets what they want. So, don’t you see? In the end everyone is happy! This line of work will bring world peace!  

Man on a Mission

She Almost Died Because She Forgot This At Home


Growing increasingly worried as she went through her day, fifteen year old girl Isabelle Liang of Oakland, California was reportedly stressed on Thursday when she discovered that she had forgotten her iPhone at home.  Without her phone, she was forced to get into many scary situations, some of which included:

  1. Waiting awkwardly inside an elevator with her apartment neighbor who she rarely talks to
  2. Having nothing to do on the bus ride on the way to school
  3. Having nothing to do on the way walking from the bus stop to the school
  4. Standing awkwardly outside her first period classroom, waiting for her teacher
  5. Actually having to converse with her friends during lunch, only that they have their phones so they don’t really converse with her but are all on their phones
  6. Having to actually greet her math teacher outside of class after school because without her phone she can’t avoid conversing with her teacher without making it seem like she actually did not want to converse with the teacher
  7. Having nothing to do on the way walking from the school to the bus stop
  8. Having nothing to do on the bus ride on the way home
  9. Waiting awkwardly inside her apartment elevator with another apartment neighbor who she did not know even existed

She claims to have almost had a panic attack multiple times throughout the day.  “Man, can you imagine the stress of having to actually face the outside world without having anything to help you avoid confrontation with people you run into! Oh my god, it was the most scariest day of my life!” 

She Almost Died Because She Forgot This At Home