The Final Solution:An End to Police Brutality

It is with brief sorrow that I mention the recent death of my dear acquaintance, Robert Washington. Robert – an African American man like myself- was driving to the grocery store, when he was suddenly pulled over by the police for speeding. When asked for his license and registration, Robert reached for his pocket and was immediately killed by Officer Jack Reynolds. Officer Reynolds faced charges for shooting Robert, and was laid off from the CMPD. Officer Reynolds is a compassionate and kind man, with a loving wife and 3 beautiful children. The consequences he faced were completely unreasonable and unfair, considering he has a family to support and a reputation in the police force.

The recent issue of white police brutality against innocent unarmed black people has been one filled with controversy in America. While I marginally grieve for my dear friend Robert, he and other black victims of police brutality must take the blame for their own ignorance of the situation. Robert, as a black man, should have known that he was a target for police, and yet he made it look like he was reaching for a weapon. Officer Reynolds had every right to shoot him out of self defense. To this, I have made a proposition.

My fellow African-Americans: we must learn to take responsibility of our own actions and not get ourselves into anymore trouble. It is our own faults for being born with this dark skin color. We are at fault for being vulnerable to the targeting of the black community. We have always been at fault throughout the history of America, and we must take the blame. We mustn’t blame the hard working police officers who train for years to achieve such great success. There are only two solutions that may alleviate the issue of black deaths in the community and the wrong sentencing of police officers.

The first is for all of us to stay home. We must lock ourselves, our children, our friends, and our relatives inside our houses. We must never come in contact with the rest of society, especially the white folk. It doesn’t matter if we are innocent, we’re going to get into trouble anyway because we’re black. We must know by now that all black folk are lazy  criminals and delinquents who steal, rape, murder, and participate in gang activity. It truly is our fault. We are no longer fit to associate with American society and we must resort back to our segregated ways.

The most efficient solution involves complete compliance by every African American in this society. We must bleach our dark skin and take lessons on how to become Caucasian. We can receive government funding for medical bleaching and for Caucasian education. We must rid ourselves of our blackened skin, which symbolizes the darkness and the evil that sprouts from the African-American culture. The Catholic Diocese of Charlotte has agreed to begin Bleaching Baptisms for newly born African American children. If this is approved by the government, my wife and I, who are expecting our first child, will immediately bring him to church to be bleached. The only reason why we are targeted is because we are dark, so we must expose ourselves to the light that is the Caucasian culture. We must abandoned our disgraceful culture of violent rap music, exposing clothing, and improper english. We must stop looking up to these false idols such as Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X, in which we shouldn’t be chanting “Black Lives Matter” or fighting for our rights, because All Lives Matter and we are the only ones at fault.

Before Procedure                             After Procedure

                                      cam                     michaela

Nowadays, every African American yells “f**k the police!” and other hateful things, while cops are the good guys. White police officers shouldn’t be convicted when they kill innocent black people, because are we really ever actually innocent? The enforcement of body cams by sheriffs on officers shows the lack of distrust within the police department, and police officers should always be trusted.

The Final Solution:An End to Police Brutality

What To Do When Accused of Cultural Appropriation: A Step by Step Guide!


*Disclaimer: The girl pictured above does not actually appropriate other cultures!*

Do you admire natural black hairstyles? Do you want to wear your stylish, tribal outfit to Coachella this year? Keep reading and learn how to deal with being accused of appropriating other cultures!

Step One: Claim it As Appreciation

Cornrows and dreadlocks are the new trends; everyone should get to experience them! If a black person tells you that you are appropriating their culture, tell them to calm down and get over it! You are appreciating their culture by showing off your new hair do! Even if that hairstyle is apart of their cultural background, you have every right to make it a fashion statement. Even if you don’t care about black social issues, and you’re the type of person to exclaim “All Lives Matter”, go ahead and rock your braids! Might as well listen to rap music and say the N-word too,  because it’s okay to say it as long as you’re singing it!

Step Two: Ignore The Accusations

Everyone wants to rock the super cute, boho chic style at summer music festivals. But your outfit just wouldn’t be complete without a colorful Native American headdress. Who cares if it creates a stereotype for Native American culture? If you look cute in it, then wear it with confidence! While you’re at it, root for your favorite football team; the Redskins. It’s just the name of a team! Why are people getting upset about it? Yeah, it defaces Native American culture, makes a negative stereotype, and mocks the skin color of native people. But C’mon now, it’s just football!

What To Do When Accused of Cultural Appropriation: A Step by Step Guide!