T(orture)S(tupid)A(rabs)

IMG_1830Hello I am Fack Jarner from Fox News, and we interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you breaking news. This news is for white people only it is not broadcast to minorities but especially Saudi Arabian people. Our benevolent leader The Donald has enacted a new executive order to deal with the Arab problem in America. The Donald’s new ingenious solution is to kill all Arabs when they get on a plane. This is why it is so essential nobody alerts Arabs to the new executive order, because if they know why would they ever buy a plane ticket. The new system that The Donald is entering will essentially kill off and solve our terrorist problem but in a very humorous and ironic way.

Essentially the plan is when an Arab person comes to the airport the TSA agents will lie to them about which plane they are taking. The Arabs will then go to the plane and board. These planes they board will be state of the art with an autopilot as a captain to prevent loss of white life. The plane will take off and fly over a designated debris drop zone, and when it is over the drop zone they bombs planted in the cargo bay instead of luggage will blow up. The Donald was worried that eventually even the Arabs will catch on to what is going on so we will only report maybe one out of thirty of these explosions. To make it even better the ones we do report on we will say that there were some other races on it as well further preventing people from catching on. When an Arab person is buying a plane ticket the flight will be full or their flight will be cancelled if there is not enough Arabs to keep suspicion down. It will not just be Arab immigrants who are killed either, but also people who have any Arab heritage in their dna, as well as any Muslims.

Now there are exceptions to this method of removal. For instance let us say there is a TSA agent who is having a horrible day and just needs to blow off some steam. He will pull aside an Arab of his choice (age and gender do not matter anyways they will be killed no matter what) and he/she is allowed to do anything he wishes. Rape, torture, kill the only thing he may not do is have no fun and let them live of course.

This plan will not only fix our Arab/terrorist problem but it will also fix many more issues in America as well. Without so many of these Damn! Arab immigrants we will cut down on unemployment, poverty in America, and political divisions over such trivial things as immigration and letting in refugees. The most important issue this will fix is the people who will more then likely be given the TSA officer jobs will be violent convicts or nonviolent convicts who made love to girls who were asleep. This job will be perfect for convicts as it will give them jobs straight out of prison, give them a place to let loose on their wildest violent urges, and cut down the crime rate as they will be legally doing these things.

    From me to you Fox news supports this, this is Fack Jarner signing out and remember stay privileged America.

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T(orture)S(tupid)A(rabs)

Eat some more Fatty

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After a new study by Harvard Medical it seems that kids in America are actually to skinny. Although the report has only come out but a few days ago the FDA has already taken action hiring Mcdonald’s to serve school lunches. We got an interview from one fatty Kicheal Mamplain at Saint Joseph Notre Dame High School who has been quoted saying, “God this sucks even a fatty like me is starting to feel sick with all this junk how but you hook me up with a salad.” This may look bad to the outside but you must understand he is but a child and does not know what is best for him.

The current childhood obesity is at a stunningly low 17%. With the new data and the programs that are being implemented we hope to have that number up to about 87% within two years. This idea of forcing junk food on children could possibly cause diabetes in some of them, but come on is diabetes really that big a deal. Mcdonald’s plans on leading the charge in the fight to beat childhood hubness, and to show how strongly they feel about this subject they changed their slogan from “I’m Loving It,” to “I’m Saving it.”

These programs despite how they may seem to the outside are very necessary. Help us to help your children, without us how will they ever succeed in attaining their obesity. Remember we are just here to help make your kids fat little piggy’s.

Eat some more Fatty