Smart Phones aren’t Smart for your Baby!

When I don’t get to play on your phone!

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

It’s been a year since you started giving me your phones and tablet to play games on and a year of wonderful fun! Back in B.Ed (before electronic devices) I would cry for the normal things all babies would cry about; gross diaper, hunger, wanting to be held, too hot or cold or just because I felt like it. Well, now times have changed and I primarily cry to play Candy Crush! Gosh do I love that game and other ones as well! You of course don’t connect my crying with a need to play on your phone, but you do notice how well it soothes me just as well as any pacifier would. Actually, your phones ARE my pacifiers!

Anyway, I’m writing to thank you for greatly improving my life! I may not be able to talk but I DO know if I continue to play on electronic devices there is a high chance that I may have learning disabilities, as well as having a harder time developing motor skills, creativity impairment and last but not least: an addiction to staring at a screen. However, if you take away the tablet then I will cry more and you will have to find other methods to keep me occupied and quiet in public and while you are busy. You can of course read books to me or give me stuffed animals/baby toys to play with, but do you really go to all the trouble of actually reading a book to me and having to go to Toys R Us to buy me new toys. I know you love me, but do you really want to go through all of that?

So I propose a pretty simple solution to you; just continue to allow me to play on the those darn electronic devices! After all we are in the twenty-first century and since adults and big kids are all tech users, why can’t babies also use technology? After all, it was going to come to this eventually and you might as well join the bandwagon. To deprive us of it would almost be taking away a basic right to have fun. And you don’t want my anger; I guarantee that it will not be pretty if I can’t play to my heart’s content. Wait just a minute, I just thought of an even better idea! I saw this super convincing commercial last night on T.V., (while both of you had left the room to check on the bread that one of you burned). It showcased this very expensive, very effective surgery that will implant a screen into my hand! I will have a screen on me at all times! What’s more you say, well it uses bluetooth technology by implanting bluetooth receptors into my ears, which means it will be like those new wireless earbuds, only without the earbud part. This means that I can play noisy games all I want, without disturbing you! Sure my hearing may be damaged, but think of all the money you will save from buying me other toys and the time it takes to bring the tablet to me.

All in all, the message you can take from this is pretty simple: I am becoming addicted to electronic devices and screens (just like almost every person in America), so I need them almost 24/7. And with this new surgically implanted screen I will take care of that completely! It is a bit pricy, but come on, my happiness is priceless! And you will never have to hire a babysitter because I will be too busy playing on my screen to get into trouble! Ultimately this is the best choice for my overall life and development and who should know better than me?

Love, from your precious little girl,


Smart Phones aren’t Smart for your Baby!

Is it getting warmer around here or is it just me?

Today a walk into the break room caused me to step into a battle zone/over the top science lesson over global warming, which some of my geeky coworkers believe in. Global warming- seriously? They claim that science is on their side but please, the greenhouse effect is a natural process that has been occurring for millions of years, but people are just now starting to care about it now! Sure glaciers are melting at a higher speed in the Arctic, tropical storms are becoming more intense, and large magnitude earthquakes are becoming more frequent, but there are at least a million other reasons for this! The way climate change and global warming are being spoken about, you would think that an event like the one that killed the dinosaurs is underway. But of course this isn’t true!

After all, we (humans) are much smarter than dinosaurs and we always make the best environmental choices. Plus, we have far better technology and resources that can help prevent the warming of the planet, anyone want any fossil fuels to burn? The truth is, if global warming and climate change were actually happening, wouldn’t there be a higher percentage of people who believed in it? And wouldn’t there be a number of laws and measures passed by the government to save the environment? But these events aren’t happening…. However just because something isn’t totally believed in, doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. I now rest my case that global warming is nothing than a myth used to scare children (and liberals) into caring for their environment.

Is it getting warmer around here or is it just me?