How to Fend Off a Muslim Child


When I was fifteen I came across uh Muslim child that was about tree to five years old. ‘At was the scariest day of my life. If it weren’t for my good friend Billy Bob Joe I would be alive today. He was able to use these here steps that saved my life and could save your life too.  Even if y’all comes across a three year old Muslim boy they might look as cute as a speckled pup in uh red wagon,but they can still be uh dangerous. I’ll teach you how to be able to adapt, solve, protect yourself if you ever interact with a Muslim child.  

The first thing you have to do is to see where you are located. For example if you are in a park, mall, shopping center, building, outside, and inside your chances of survival is much more limited, unlike if you’re in a safe place. What are safe places? Well safe places are bunkers, trailers, and the woods. IF you are in these places than you will have a much higher chance of surviving than the other list I gave out to you. This is probably one of the most important rules because known your chance of survival could mean life or death right there.

The weapons that these children use are also a good way to see if you know what their intention is. If they do have a baby bottle, be very cautious around them because most of the time there is a bomb in it. If you see they are in a stroller also be cautious because there will likely be be a bomb in there too. Strollers are more dangerous because the fragments of the stroller can impale you from great distances. IF there is nothing around them and they are all alone you will be much more safe, but have a awareness because many mistake them to be harmless.  Whatever you do, do not back a Muslim child into a corner because you can seriously get injured or even killed.  

The second part of this guide to protect yourself from a Muslim child is to learn you what is a Muslim child and what is not. They may look innocent and look like any other kid, but don’t fall for it. Now to spot them out from a mile away is by looking for a child that has any kind of hood on, and has darker skin than a true American. Once you have spotted out those kids anywhere, stay a safe distance of 100 feet away, and if by chance you do see a grown Muslim stay clear about 200 feet away. Even though older Muslims are less likely to attack they can be more destructive. Their language is the devil, and they mudder stuff to themselves and to others. If you even think you are hearing something that doesn’t sound familiar automatically think terrorist, or Muslim child.

If you did not do a good job of the first two steps in how to stay away of a Muslim child, and you come into contact with it, be prepared to do what is next. Now there are a couple of ways of doing this, but you have to figure out the best way of getting out alive. First what you can do is by pretending to become its friend so it doesn’t see you as a threat. If that doesn’t work, take action before it can explode. Many mess up this action by calling the police, but don’t!  You have to act or you die. Lastly, you can not be a dumb ass.  Follow the first step, and don’t even get into a bad situation.

Life is very dangerous in America today, and these here steps are a way to keep your family safe. Nowadays, these Muslim children come into our country just to terrorize us.  These steps helped save my life and I want to save yours too.

How to Fend Off a Muslim Child

EU Forces Sanctions on DPRK Due to Recent Missile Test

img_20170305_140513The European Union has imposed sanctions against the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea due to the country’s recent ballistic missile test, probably leading to more starvation to the nation, especially the Dear Leader Kim Jong Un. The Council of EU has put restrictions on imports from the DPRK including copper, coal, zinc, beer, wine, chicken wings, as well as transactions involving coal and iron. These measures also include preventing the DPRK from receiving European exports such as helicopters, ships, and Swiss chocolate. The EU has decided to have institutions not train any DPRK nationals to participate in studies, which may lead to increased chances for the DPRK to launch more missiles and blow more crap up. “It is troubling for all nations,” says an EU ambassador after attending the council, “With the DPRK being up in arms all over this, what else is there to do besides ban and deprive them?”  US president Donald Trump has yet to address this issue, however he is in an “armed war” with mass media outlets. The launch of the missile, which happened on Feb. 12 had people unsurprised due to the fact that these missile launches from the Asian state seem to happen once or twice a year, but nevertheless led to widespread condemnation from the international community. “We don’t need another WWIII,” says the EU ambassador, “So we’re going to continue lays sanctions on the DPRK. I doubt they will follow them considering the many times the UN tried. Their leader is probably drinking Heineken, not caring about other countries” The EU ambassador also doubts that the recently elected US president would even think about the DPRK missile issue. “He’ll probably create WWIII just by himself.”

EU Forces Sanctions on DPRK Due to Recent Missile Test

Donald Trump Bans All Words that Rhyme with Immigrati*n


On April 1, 2017 President Donald Trump banned any word that rhymes with immigrati*n. His reasoning is, “there is no room for them in our American vocabulary”. Mr. President believes that if he bans the word immigrati*n, he is one step closer to stopping immigrants from illegally coming to America.

Patients in hospital die from not being able to ask for medicati*n.

There are numerous reports of intestine failure now that defecati*n is illegal.

Citizens like Jose Iglesias are appalled by the act. “Does this mean masturbati*n is illegal?” Mr. Iglesias asks.

This new law inconveniences people all over the United States. Donald trump himself is no longer allowed to talk on the phone because telecommunicati*n is banned.

Congress won’t let Mr. Trump build a wall that separates Mexico and the US. Donald Trump’s way around this is to make a language wall. Mr. Trump is so against immigrants coming to the United States

The illegal use of words that rhyme with immigration are punishable with up to 4 years in prison and a $6,900 fine.

This article has now been made illegal because horati*n satire is banned. See you in prison.

Donald Trump Bans All Words that Rhyme with Immigrati*n