Single with kids? SIGN ME UP!


Hello to the many single parents and divorced partners alike! I am the new child support agency executive known as Marissa Witkowski. For those who do not recognize my previous work, I had written a couple books about the issue of divorcing called Not There? Not my Problem! and Oh Yeah, I Have Four Kids. A better way to tell my own personal story is to imagine a six year old boy with his nine year old sister needing to go on a road trip with their mother to move in with their grandma. As I had just been divorced with my husband, we do not really have a true home, we do not have any money, and we don’t get child support from their father. I had to work two jobs that take up fourteen to eighteen hours of work a day, just to come home and make dinner for my kids, and wake up again the next day and do it all over again for years. No extra support, no increase in money, all alone with my children. I did not want the burden of having to tell my children the reality of what is going on as it would make them feel worse than how we already feel. They needed to be kept alive and healthy to feel as if I did not let my children down in any way. Even when I knew there was no money left, I would still go out and buy my son that cool monster truck toy of “Grave Digger” because I know how much he likes them and I am determined that he will still be able to feel as if he is a kid even if we have to go through struggles. I really do wish that my son will one day be able to put his children first like I have done for him and his sister many times.

This would be less of a struggle had there been some kind of extra source of income or an extra parent to help. My family may have been able to help sometimes, they should not have to bear taking care of my children all the time for there lack of a male role model in their lives. With all of this said, I have figured out a brand new way to completely destroy deadbeat parents who are not apart of their children’s lives. Currently if they do not pay child support than there are normally a bunch of precautions of stuff that is supposed to happen. Breaking these rules are supposed to let out a punishment, however they are almost never punished with not paying since this is more of an ignored issue.

However, could all of this actually be ignored if we spice up the rules a little bit? From now on, every single parent who does not pay their monthly child support to the parent who has custody over the children will instead lose a body part and will continue to lose a single body part monthly if they continue to stop paying child support. They would lose a more important part of their body if they fail to pay for multiple children each month as well, instead of losing like a toe they may lose an entire arm for example. They may stop paying their ex husband or ex wife once the child turns eighteen years old. This may also stop divorce rates to continue to rise, as it is now about a third of marriages end with divorce. Imagine if this was cut down to a measly 5-10% it would not even be seen as an issue anymore due to how uncommon these cases would be. 


Work Cited

Livingston, Gretchen. “Fewer than Half of U.S. Kids Today Live in a ‘traditional’ Family.”       Pew Research Center. N.p., 22 Dec. 2014. Web. 07 Mar. 2017.

Bird, Beverly. “What Happens When You Don’t Pay Child Support.” Legal Beagle. N.p., n.d.      Web. 7 Mar. 2017.

Dawn. “Single Mother Statistics.” Single Mother Guide. N.p., 17 Sept. 2016. Web. 07 Mar.            2017.




Single with kids? SIGN ME UP!

One thought on “Single with kids? SIGN ME UP!

  1. kaylaisgreat says:

    I really liked your satire. It was well put together, and embodied what Juvenalian satire was. I truly enjoyed reading it good job.


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