Trash? Litter? Nope. Not On My Beaches


Ever since I was young, the environment has been an important part of my life. My mother was a conservationist and my father was a park ranger, so I grew up going on hundreds of hikes, nature explorations, and science trips. My mom loved to take me into the redwood forests along the California coast to walk and talk and write in our Nature Journals. One day in particular stood out to me however. I remember walking with her, my dad, and our dog named Banana Slug; just letting the true beauty surround us. We were walking along the Santa Cruz beach when I was about 8 when I felt something sharp on my foot. I looked down and saw a broken beer bottle. But then I looked around it, and there wasn’t just one; there were at least 20. All over the beach there was plastic and glass and trash from careless beach goers. From that day forth, I’ve dedicated my life to preserving our beautiful beaches.

Every day, I wake up at 5am to go for a run. Along my route, I make sure to pick up any sort of litter I see. After my run, I go home and cook myself an organic breakfast with ingredients I gathered from my backyard garden. Around 7am I get together with a group I founded called “Humble Helpers of the Earth”. It’s about 50 people from around my community who love the environment and want to protect it with all their hearts. From then until 5pm, I’m doing beach cleans, teaching school field trips about the importance of conservation, and working hard to save this earth.

In my life thus far, I have worked countless hours cleaning up the beautiful beaches around California. I have devoted my life to it, and I have no greater passion than protecting Mother Nature. However, after hundreds of beach cleans, volunteer projects, conservation efforts, off road explorations, and organizations working to preserve our beaches, I realize that this is not enough.

Neighborhoods, hiking trails, beaches, and streets are littered with trash and waste. The problem is, only half of the 220 million tons of waste produced each year in the United States ends up in a landfill (center.sustainability). Landfills are polluting the Earth, and are simply giant holding facilities for all the garbage and trash that wasteful people create. By having all of this trash on land, it’s honestly just foul. The smell and the appearance of it; it’s disgusting. So why do we even have this trash on land? The fact that I’ve spent 20 years cleaning the beaches and forests to the best of my ability, along with many hardworking people, and there are still thousands of pounds of trash all over the beaches is just absurd. People are too careless and wasteful for my small scale work to make an impact… which is why I have come up with a permanent and foolproof solution.

Send it to the ocean. If it goes out into the water, then it is no long people’s problem. Large quantities of garbage would be launched into the sea from the ends of docks or piers in order to help it catch the current. Once it is swept away by the water currents, it will be carried out into the middle of the ocean where no one needs to see it anymore. All the garbage and trash could then collect out there and build up over time. Sure, a few barges or transport ships may pass by once in awhile, but as long as the majority do not need to see it every day then it’s fine. Another benefit to this solution is the marine life. Studies have shown otters, sea lions, and dolphins to be extremely playful animals. This trash collection project would provide marine life with new things to explore, and toys to enjoy throughout their day.

Some people may say that trash in the oceans is unhealthy for marine life, and harmful for the ocean environment. Honestly though, how does that affect us other than when it comes into the waters we want to swim, surf, and snorkel in? This trash would be sent to the far depths of the sea; way beyond human reach.

People have had to look at all this garbage for way too long now; it’s time for a change.


Trash? Litter? Nope. Not On My Beaches

EPA’s New Director is Met With Tears of Joy


Trump, with his new candidacy, must assign directors to run different organizations and sects of the government. For the EPA he chose a crowd favorite Scott Pruitt. Pruitt has proven time and time again his care and compassion for the well being of the environment and the world. A man who has devoted his life to poverty and helping those less fortunate, he is the perfect man for the job. His stance on climate change not existing will not only revolutionize the EPA to be more progressive but also to a much more finance friendly organization. We interviewed some people on the street to get the public’s opinion on the matter. “I feel like people have done enough saving of the plant. We need someone who’s gonna harvest its natural resources for a change,” Says a young environmental activist. Scott Larson, a marine biologist at University of Washington says “Right now, our oceans are dangerously clean, we need more oil in the ocean or it could be a threat to us all. Scott Pruitt is the key to a safer cleaner future.” Laura Langston, a medical student at SF State proclaims, “At first I was a skeptic, Pruitt seemed like just another greedy Republican, but after hearing what his values I’ve completely thrown that out of the wind. He’s a genuine guy who just wants to do good by the common people and mother nature.” It seems the public’s reception of Pruitt has been exceptionally high. The EPA has sunny skies ahead and are in good hands to ensure that.

EPA’s New Director is Met With Tears of Joy

The Douches Who Own Lambos are Finally Blowing Up!

Supercar company, Lamborghini Automobili, issues a major recall on over 5,900 supercars!


Have you ever been driving around town, enjoying your Prius, saving the environment one mile at a time, sipping your vegan shake through your reusable cup, and then some douche in a brand new Lamborghini pulls up next to you at a red light.  You look over at the owner and he just reeks of privilege.  The light turns green and he gets from 0 to breaking the law in sub three seconds.  The sound of his gas guzzling V12 just makes you want to puke.  You soon find yourself stuck at the next red light with the same douche.  He puts his spawn of satan into neutral and just revs the engine so everyone in a five block radius knows that he is driving a Lambo.  You start to wish that this douche bag would just burn in hell.  Well you’re in luck!  After his third rev the douche’s engine compartment catches fire!  You laugh to yourself and drive away in your near silent Prius.  Just to gloat one more time, you look for the monstrosity of a car in your rearview mirror.  To your pleasant surprise, the entire overpriced sports car is engulfed in flames and then BOOM!  The abomination of transportation blows up!  The douches leg with a Gucci slipper lands next to your car. You chuckle to yourself and start brainstorming on how you are going to make it clear to everyone you see today that your are a vegan!

The Douches Who Own Lambos are Finally Blowing Up!