Filthy Rich, Not Filthy

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“I can’t leave my mansion anymore without my Filthy Rich Glasses” – Richard Miller


Homelessness in America is so prevalent specifically the Bay Area, where it is getting out of hand. Homelessness is on the rise again and nobody’s doing anything to fix this problem . The amount of families that can’t make ends meet rose to 30%, and now there are just homeless families on every street you go on. Don’t you just hate when you’re trying to walk on Market Street to go shop for designer brand clothes, but then you end up seeing a line of homeless people from the Tenderloin begging for money. We all know how fed up you are with all of these dirty vermins that are plaguing our city with their terrible and disgusting outlook. Well, I am glad to introduce to you a brand new technology called the Filthy Rich Glasses which will allow you to capture the feeling of having the American Dream.

Why deal with homeless when you could just ignore it completely with the Filthy Rich Glasses. Once you put on the glasses, your daily life will improve significantly. These glasses are created to block out all of the homeless, and they will no longer be a part of your life. Remember that old lazy man that was on the corner of your street. He is now gone thanks to the Filthy Rich Glasses. Not only will it help you get rid of the homeless from your sight, but you will also look so cool at the same time. All of your rich friends will be so jealous that they will have to jump on this life changing invention.

So how do they work? Well, the Filthy Rich Glasses are actually very easy to use. All you have to do is put them on and turn it on. Then, the glasses does the rest of the work. It filters out all of the homeless people while keeping the city looking clean. The glasses filters the filthy by detecting their nauseating odor. Then the glasses turns the odor into something aromatic. Although the homeless are still there in the streets, you will not even notice them. If the homeless are in your path, you will just trample over them and think that it was nothing because the Filthy Rich Glasses will make it appear like you are walking up a small hill. This will also encourage the homeless to stop being lazy and get off of the streets so they don’t get trampled.

My company is known for our great customer service. If your glasses are not functioning well and are having problems such as you are seeing a homeless person, we will replace your glasses free of charge. Also, on top of that, we will personally kill that certain person that you saw, so you no longer have to deal with that person in reality or in the vision with the glasses. This way we accommodate your needs while eliminating homelessness in the Bay Area. The future of the Bay Area lay in the hands of the rich and not the poor. This is why we care so much about your experience with the Filthy Rich Glasses.

You can solve all of your problems by paying small amount of $4000 per month. $4000 is not a lot of money. You probably pay that much on a daily basis. If every rich person paid that much money, we could possible end homelessness forever in the Bay Area. This revolutionary invention will change how we view the poor. With the Filthy Rich Glasses, homelessness will no longer be a word in our vocabulary. Being homeless is a thing of the past so get with the trend and end this disgusting way of life by buying the Filthy Rich Glasses.

Just remember, one pair of Filthy Rich Glasses is another step to ending the problem of homelessness in the Bay Area.

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Filthy Rich, Not Filthy

Catholic Blessings Gotta Go

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Today at school, we had liturgy to celebrate a holiday because we are a Catholic school. It seemed all normal because we are just celebrating the Eucharist and Jesus Christ right? Everything during mass was all fine until it was time to give a blessing. Everyone simultaneously extended their arms and hands outward towards the priest. I was so shook when I saw what happened. Everyone was doing the Nazi salute! The Basilica instantly turned into the Reichstag. LIKE WOAH! Everybody needs to chill out! I thought to myself, “Is this even a Catholic school? What have I gotten myself into?” No one even realized what they were doing. They saluted to the priest subconsciously. All of the students and teachers all acted like mindless zombies. Come on. Does no one actually see what the blessing kinda resembles? I couldn’t fathom the idea of everyone showing praise to the priest as if he is Hitler. But there I am, looking like a fish out of water. After the mass, I asked my friends what happened in the Basilica but all of the responses I get are “What are you even talking about?” Maybe it’s all in my mind but still, all of these blessings gotta go. Or at least change up the position when you give a blessing. God, please tell me that you are seeing this. Send us some sort of sign. Anything. Oh well, don’t want to be late to APUSH since we’re learning about WWII.

Catholic Blessings Gotta Go