Mangina: The Beginning of a End

        My mangina is literally going to fall off. This has to be the end of my life. I have blood dripping down my legs as I speak. How do I survive this catastrophe? How do I even stop this bleeding, do I get napkins or pads? What about those candy looking packets?! Does that even stop this horror? I don’t want to die young! Oh god, I need food. Yeah, maybe that will stop this craziness. I just need to get a large order of Hawaiian pizza and tacos and this will all go away the next day. Yeah, there’s no need to be freaking out because after today there will be no more blood on my bed sheets and no more blood flowing out of my mangina like a waterfall!

     Never mind, my life is done. I’m going to die. No more girls to netflix and chill with, no more sports to play, no more friends because they will think I’m a wussy. Goodbye world and goodbye family of mine. I love you all but this is the end of me. NO, OH MY GOD I RAN OUT OF PIZZA. What am I going to do?!? Oh god, I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding!! I don’t want to die like this GOD, let me die in peace!

 

Dealing With Your Heterosexual Child

Image found at:

http://blog.ergobaby.com/2012/06/happy-gay-parents-pride-we-are-family/

The world has seen many changes, and lately more and more children are following trends in order to feel cool and to seek attention. As parents, it is our job to teach our children the truth and the to help them work through their confusion.This is a dialogue of a man dealing with his.. alternative son. We advise parents to take note.

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“Don’t you understand what this means? You have no idea what you’re doing! This is going to ruin everything. What’ll your father say? And your grandfather!! Oh my god… Why did you do this to us?! Why would you do this.. you didn’t even think this through did you? No! No, Matthew this is a PHASE! We can’t ever let you near our family like this! You’re corrupting this family. You’re making your siblings confused!! This is the worst thing to ever happen to my family. You need to leave. I can’t have you stay with my family. You’re no longer part of my family. Do you understand? Leave. Matthew, we could never allow someone straight to live in our family.”

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In conclusion, the only way to keep your family safe from heterosexuality is to exile your child and hide your normal children from that “lifestyle.”

Scientists at Stanford Research Lab Discover Why Socks Disappear

For centuries man has asked the singular question, “Where are my socks?”. Well after years of searching science has finally come up with the answer. Lead researcher Seymour Butts, in an exclusive interview stated, “The law of conservation of matter states that matter can neither be created or destroyed. It is through this philosophy that scientists at the Stanford University physics Laboratory have found the answer to the age old question of where socks go.” They have been able to determine that, dryer lint is, in fact, the mangled remains of missing socks. Their study shows that when exposed to the heat and tumbling of the dryer the socks undergo rapid physical changes breaking down to their simplest parts… LINT. This discovery has prompted further research in the field of dryers in applied physics, and local appliance companies are working on a less destructive dryer. Dr. Butts has not only discovered what happens to socks but also believes that with mild adjustments dryers can be used as a more cost efficient particle accelerator. This research truly opens the gates to the future of man kind, and one day, maybe one day we will have the everlasting socks we truly deserve.