The Solution to Gay Marriage and Rights

Throughout America a lot of progress has occurred in the past decades. New technology, an easier way of life, and new advanced weaponry. However, there has also been a lot of regression. Certain groups of individuals who are unfit for the prosperous and magnificent society of America have been allowed more rights that they simply do not deserve. Our last president who was a complete disgrace, he not only threw our country in shambles economically but also allowed disgraceful people the same rights as normal everyday people like me. I am of course referring to the gay community. They are unfit and dysfunctional for the everyday Utopian society I hope America can one day achieve. They have the potential to destroy all of the progress us hard working Americans have made just so they can unjustly marry each other. IMG_5075
Recently the controversy of gay marriage has sparked the nation. I frankly do not see what the problem is because there is a simple answer. Gay marriage should not exist, in fact, gay people in general should not exist. They are putrid and make normal people feel very uncomfortable. I feel like there is a simple solution to fix this problem of the gay populace. Now one may ask, how on earth would we ever be able to achieve such an amazing accomplishment. Luckily there are many different methods and solutions to deal with their kind.
First, the police force needs to be armed and equipped to deal with these savages. The police should immediately incapacitate any and all gay individuals. They need to be equipped with high voltage stun guns and tasers that could be re-branded as gay guns and gasers. These high voltage weapons will be exclusively used on the gay populace for a smooth and easy capturing process. With this new re-branding the normal innocent population will not feel threatened by these weapons and will see that our intentions are for good. These high voltage weapons have a variety of perks. They will incapacitate the subject without causing too much permanent physical, they will create low to no casualties, and if the voltage is high enough it has potential to fry the gay out of the subjects. Overall this new equipment should make the conversion process a lot smoother and streamlined.
The next step is what to do once the subject is captured. There are a variety of different purification processes that the subjects could be processed through. One recently proposed was electroshock therapy which would hopefully shock the gay out of the individuals, but this method is the most unreasonable. It is very wasteful of electricity, making it not very sustainable. Hormonal injections are another viable option, but the goal of this program is to bring these tainted subjects to healthy normal lifestyle and hormonal injections could lead to sporadic behavior. Finally, a method I support the most is the Scared Straight method. A conceptual tactic that could easily be implemented into the straightening system. The method suggests putting the subject in a life threatening situation with the intention of scaring the gay out of them. These are just a few tactics for accomplishing the mission of the common good.
Although all of these systems and techniques may seem a bit excessive to deal with the gay marriage/rights controversy, it is with the best of intentions. Some may argue it may be easier or perhaps even more ethical to simply give the gay population the same rights as straight people to marry. However, that would be compromising for a worse America, and I have a vision for a perfect America. Also not to mention why should a lower class being, be given the same rights as a superior human. My vision is for everyone to feel comfortable, safe, and threatened by radical ideals that putrid beings like the gays could tarnish. At the moment, the gay population is the main obstacle standing in the way of achieving the perfect America normal everyday people crave and deserve.

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The Solution to Gay Marriage and Rights

EPA’s New Director is Met With Tears of Joy

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Trump, with his new candidacy, must assign directors to run different organizations and sects of the government. For the EPA he chose a crowd favorite Scott Pruitt. Pruitt has proven time and time again his care and compassion for the well being of the environment and the world. A man who has devoted his life to poverty and helping those less fortunate, he is the perfect man for the job. His stance on climate change not existing will not only revolutionize the EPA to be more progressive but also to a much more finance friendly organization. We interviewed some people on the street to get the public’s opinion on the matter. “I feel like people have done enough saving of the plant. We need someone who’s gonna harvest its natural resources for a change,” Says a young environmental activist. Scott Larson, a marine biologist at University of Washington says “Right now, our oceans are dangerously clean, we need more oil in the ocean or it could be a threat to us all. Scott Pruitt is the key to a safer cleaner future.” Laura Langston, a medical student at SF State proclaims, “At first I was a skeptic, Pruitt seemed like just another greedy Republican, but after hearing what his values I’ve completely thrown that out of the wind. He’s a genuine guy who just wants to do good by the common people and mother nature.” It seems the public’s reception of Pruitt has been exceptionally high. The EPA has sunny skies ahead and are in good hands to ensure that.

EPA’s New Director is Met With Tears of Joy