Dog Fighting Benefits Society

We are going through a phase of overpopulation and resources are being depleted at a pretty rapid pace.The cause of this are dogs! Dogs are given water every day and there are approximately five hundred twenty-five million dogs in our world and these dogs are taking up space and natural resources. I have a plan for this immense population of dogs and that plan is to make them fight! By making them fight,  humans can profit off of this. The dogs provide another food source, we get rid of the weak and timid dogs, and we won’t hear those annoying dog barks at night while people are trying to sleep. Also we won’t have these useless things walking around,  taking up resources while humans work their asses off for them to be lying around and eating.

Every year each country’s government is going to establish a nationwide tournament in which anyone who owns a dog is forced to take their dogs to these tournaments. If you are caught not bringing your dog, your dog will be executed in front of you and then you will be executed, so bring your dog! Your dog probably has a one percent chance of winning. This tournament will be divided into different dog breeds, gender and age. Puppies aren’t allowed into these tournaments because we will need them for future entertainment. A dog wins the match by either completely dominating the dog or killing the other dog. The owner can step in and say to stop the match but when that happens the losing dog is immediately killed and put up for sale at your local store as dog meat. We highly encourage every dog owner to inject their dogs with steroids because no one want to see their dog die. This tournament will take place at the end of the year so everyone can start the new year fresh and ready to train their dogs for the next tournament. As the rounds go on, there will be tricks. After a dog passes the first round, the dog’s face will be cut. After that round, the dog’s tail is going to be cut off and these things go on and on as the tournament progresses, and if your dog dies because of one of these things then that is really unfortunate for you, but really fortunate for other people because your dog is going to become a delicious meal for another family. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, so don’t feel to bad because essentially you are benefiting society by getting rid of your dog.

In order for your dog not to enter this tournament,  you must pay ten million dollars. Also higher class dogs get two bye weeks while we see these dirty low income neighborhood dogs shed blood in the dirt. This tournament will be broadcasted on TV and don’t forget to place your bets because you never know if the dog you chose could be the winner.  At the end of the day, this organization is doing society a favor by making these dogs vicious and hungry for blood because it’s another form of entertainment for humans just in case you ever get tired of watching sports. Oh, and please don’t let your dogs out of the house because we will immediately get rid of them as soon as they step foot on the street and for all those stray dogs, don’t worry about them, a family in Texas is probably eating one right as I’m writing this. If you ever feel culpable about letting your dog die “accidentally”,  leave the door open and we will take care of the rest so you won’t be responsible for the death of that animal. If people stop buying dog meat then don’t worry, you never know we might just mix the dog meat with cow meat so be careful because you might just be taking a bite out of your delicious dog.

 

Life Of A Little Rebel

 

Why should I pick up my toys? I am two years old and can do whatever the heck I want to do. I am my own person. I make the rules, I’m in charge. Here is my opportunity. I am gonna use my voice and say what I want. I see her approaching ready to say, “You get down here now and pick up your toys or no TV”. Ready. Here I go! NO. NO. NO.

I can pick up my toys on my own time, and honestly that will never happen. All I like to do is watch Frozen and The Lion King on Youtube. Why should I have to take time out of watching TV to do what my parents tell me to do. The feeling of being able to have my toys ready at my feet is liberating. If I wanted to I could jump off the coach into a pile of legos. Who wouldn’t want to experience that? Drinking apple juice while sitting back on the couch eating goldfish is the life. I have become a master at manipulating my parents. All I have to do is cry and whine and next thing you know, I have a pacifier in my mouth and the TV turned to Aladdin. Every kid should be able to experience the luxury I have. At the end of the day TV is my closest friend and I never want that to change. I will only move from the coach to sleep or get my needed food supplies. You will never catch me outside.

Don’t Crease my J’s

It was the first day of school and I wanted people to think I was cool. So I laid out my outfit: my skinny jeans, my white undershirt, my Polo sweater, my stance socks, my fake Jordans, my Chicago Bulls snapback, my fake Raybans, and my fake gold chain. I finna be swaggin’ tomorrow! I walked to school looking like a complete G. I went over to a group of fine ladies to say what’s up. They didn’t even look at me. I dipped and was like “y’all are just haters.” So I peeped some bruhs across the hall and decided to make some homies. I thought that if I talk as much shit as possible they will think I’m cool. I walked up to their circle, and they asked what my name was. I said, “you can call me daddy cuz I’m bangin’ yo mom.” He started to square up on me. I backed up and I said, “don’t make me call my shooters.” As I began to walk away I tripped and fell. Everyone was laughing at me. I went home and my mom asked me how school was. I said “It was the best day ever. I have so many friends  and all the ladies love me.”