Prop 78: Homeless Resolution Act

A Cleaner Future

I am writing to the city of San Francisco as a concerned citizen who calls the City home. As long as I have lived here, there has been a problem which has existed since the creation of this unrivaled town; of course I am talking about homelessness. These gross beings which I cannot even call people have plagued this city with crime, drugs, malice, and overall grotesqueness. Since I have seen nothing being done by the city, or those who are the superiors, I would like to present a few ideas of my own.

Before I get into the details of my own brilliant and cost effective plan, I would like to introduce some well known facts into this discussion that may persuade some of our more liberal members of the council. 95% of all homeless men are convicted sex offenders and child molesters. The use of drugs in the community and human trafficking have gone up exponentially through the years, starting with just a few cases in 1990 (when the recordings started), and growing to millions of people, primarily children, in 2017. In a private study done by Dr. Jennings Ken, he discovered that numbers of homeless in possession of children under the age of five increased parallel to the number of human trafficking cases in the homeless community, as show in the graph below.

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Now the question becomes, how do we rid ourselves of this plague that is homelessness? People who really have no concept of money would suggest we open up homeless shelters, or affordable housing, or possibly programs to help rehabilitate these people; but from one businessman to another, we both know that there is no money to be made and no permanent solution to the problem. The reason for all your failures is you are looking at these disgraces as if they are people, I say treat them as if they are less. Once these swine are looked at as if they are animals, then the problem will get solved.

Allow me to open your minds to the endless amount of opportunities we would have if this once pure city were ameliorated from this infestation of the beasts. The housing market would be booming, even more than it already is. The City would draw people in from all over with the idea of it being pure and having no homeless in it, no one to worry about, no waste would have to be cleaned up, and cops would not have to spend their days kicking the savages out of parks and off the sidewalks. All this fame and glory and it would be because of all you whom I write to today. The best part of my plan is it will cost the city virtually nothing at all, in fact, we will make money from this.

Global warming has been a growing problem from all over the world. What if I told you that I have the environmentally sound alternative to coal, and it is almost just as abundant. With the amount of homeless in this city, a factory should be able to run for years on these things. Now, I do not mean sending the homeless into the factory to work, I mean to say they are the fuel for the factory. If we could capture the animals, possibly by setting up false food kitchens or shelters, then we would sell them to factories as an alternative choice for coal. Not only would it solve our homeless problem, but it would also save the factories money, money which will now be coming to us. Of course the idea of burning the homeless alive for fuel is a bit of a stretch, but if this council claims to care about this city as much as I do, then it is the best solution that I can think of.

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Prop 78: Homeless Resolution Act

Budgeting Done Right

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Most people know that money doesn’t grow on trees, but the  president of the United States can make it grow from anywhere.  President Trump has derived the perfect equation for keeping the divide between the Upper and Lower class in America just as big as his ego. Since, as all people know, the public school system in America has no flaws whatsoever, pulling funding from our schools to put towards the military is what everyone needs right now. With his big hands (and even bigger penis), the genius that is our President has been overlooked. Mr. Trump has stated that he wants to cut 54 billion dollars from “non-defense agencies” and put that money toward the military. Forget about the fact that it costs New York City one million dollars a day to protect Trump Towers and $500,000 a day to protect the family. The secret service will only cost the taxpayers an estimated 8.8 billion dollars for all four years of his presidency. Now, let’s not be too harsh on the President, he has had to adjust to learning that aliens do exist, 9/11 was an inside job, and that the election really was rigged, so education is the least of his worries. But who needs education right? Donald has shown that with three different marriages, a TV show, and a small loan of one million dollars, anything is possible, even getting elected as president. Go ahead, with all the excrements coming out of the Don’s mouth, education will be the least of this nation’s worries.

Budgeting Done Right